Friday Night and the I don't know's

Friday night was one of the WORST nights of my life.

It went something like this...

Taitlyn woke up coughing. I put her in bed with me. Chad and the boys were camping out in their tent down stairs, so I figured it would be a great time for "girl bonding". Anyhow, a couple hours later Taitlyn woke up and she felt warm. I then went downstairs and took her temp and it was 103.3. I then gave her Tylenol, a drink and grabbed a few things and headed upstairs. After a few minutes...I then picked her up and was getting ready to put her in my bed. All of a sudden her hands gripped and made a weird sound and then she stopped breathing. I panicked! I ran down stairs while carrying Taitlyn and screamed for Chad to call 9-1-1. I cannot not explain the terror that we were going through. My baby in my hands and turning blue and not breathing. She was stiff and all I could do was pray. I can tell you that I did not and could not do well in a situation like that. Chad was talking to the operator and I wasn't listening. The only thing I could do was PLEADE to God to save my baby. I then looked at her and saw her blue lips. I began blowing gently in her face...and finally she started to slowly awaken. I remember screaming at Chad and telling him to tell the squad to hurry up. Thank God there was a squad responding to another situation in my neighborhood and although it seemed to be like hours...they were actually here within a few minutes. After a couple hours and at the emergency room...she was finally back to herself. Thank GOD! I hope I never have to go through something like that again. I also learned something about myself...I freeze. I don't respond to situations like that very well.

Anyhow, while at the hospital we were asked questions like....

Nurse:Is there a history of seizures in the family?
Me: I don't know.
Nurse: Has this happened before?
Me: I don't know.
Nurse: Is there any prior hospitaliztions?
Me: I don't know

I was thinking as I was answering with many I don't knows...this is what my daughter will probably be saying all her life. I don't know. I don't know why I was abandoned. I don't know if there is a history of heart disease in my biological family. I don't know.

It saddened me. It really did. Luckily, is was a seizure due to her fever spiking too high and so quickly. I will tell you that I will be one paranoid momma any time she gets a fever. It seems once a child reponds to a fever this way...they have a higher chance of it reoccuring. Oh...and it is a genetic trait.

The ironic part to this is my son Tanner had a seizure do to a fever when he was one. NOTHING like how Taitlyn responded...but, he did. The doctor at the hospital found it ironic that because the ferebal seizures can be genetic that Tanner and Taitlyn who aren't biologically connected, have had these seizures. She said see...she (Taitlyn) really is a part of your family. I said...of course she is. Her and her brother are so a like in many ways...its almost scary! Anyhow, I am now nursing a very sick baby and I am really thankful for this child. She is a true blessing and I am forever grateful to be her momma.

Just a side note...Chad told me the next day he was going to slap me and try to get me to come to my senses on Friday night. He said he couldn't believe how I was acting. Luckily, the squad came when they did:)